I will grow

Lucas is 24 years old. He is getting married today. I wake up and right away remember that today is not an ordinary day. Today I am getting married to the love of my life, Jess. I kind of freaked out just at the thought of it. After all these years. I get weirdly emotional and start to remember my elementary school days when my mom would make me breakfast, and pack my lunch and I would walk out to the bus stop that was conveniently right next to our house. I think about middle school. Middle school sucked. And High School. Not really that long ago but feels like forever since I walked into the doors of Beacon Hills High School. All this makes me miss being a kid, back home with my family. But it also just makes me more excited for what happens today will bring. I snap out of all my reminiscing when my brother steps into the room. 
"Luke! guess what today is?"
"I know dude It's kinda crazy."
"Ya It's a big day! You ready?"
"Ready to marry the girl of my dreams? Yes!"
"We should go out on the beach for a while before its time to get ready!"
Sitting on the beach, drinking my coffee, watching the sun rise was the perfect way to calm my nerves. I've always known that the beach, the salty air, the crashing waves has been my home and now I'm getting married here. The place where I feel most like myself. The day seemed like it was starting out so perfectly but I couldn't help feeling like something terrible was going to happen. I decided it was probably just the nerves and shook it off. I start thinking to myself trying to organize my thoughts. Okay so mom and dad are driving down here and should be here in about an hour. The rest of the family is already here. The food and set up are already being taken care of. Now I just have to worry about getting myself ready. I watch the beach in front of the house turn into a beautiful wedding area. It's really happening. I'm really getting married today. Just then I hear the phone ring. I get up and open the old creaky screen door just in time to reach the phone.
"Hello."
"Luke." I hear a panicked voice say from the other line.
"Dad, hi, whats wrong?"
"Your mother and I...we got in a car accident. We're at the hospital now but Luke, your mother is really hurt." My dad says slowly, trying to hold back tears.
"What happened? Oh my gosh where are you? Are you okay? I'm coming now where are you?" I say as I frantically grab my keys and run out to the car barefoot and still in my pajamas.
"Were at the hospital about 30 minutes from the beach house...just, just come as fast as you can!" I can't believe what is going on. I felt like something was going to go wrong but not anything this bad. As I drive past the little shops I grew up around, I can't help but think why did this happen? Why? I just can't wrap my head around the idea of my mom so badly hurt. I finally make it to the small local hospital and park, in no real parking spot and run into the hospital. I see my dad standing at the door to what must be moms room. I've never seen him so down, so distressed looking. I run up to him.
"What happened is she okay? Are you okay?" I say as I hug my father. I peer into the room and see my mother laying in a hospital bed, hooked up to countless chords, doctors swarming her frantically. How could she look so peaceful with all of this going on around her? When something so terrible has happened? It just wasn't fair, it shouldn't have happened to her. I turn to my dad, "What did the doctor say? Will she be alright? Is she okay?"
"They haven't said anything to me. I'm not even allowed to be in there." My father lets a tear drip from the corner of his eye. Just then the doctor steps out of the chaos inside my mothers room. I frantically start crushing him with questions but stop when I see the dismal look in his eyes. "Your wife is in critical condition sir." He says to my father slowly and unsurely. "We're doing everything we possibly can but she is not in a good state right now. sir. I'm so sorry." I become dizzy and slide down the side of the wall onto the cold hard ground. I put my face in my palms and cry. I cry for the first time in a long time. Just sit and cry until my dad makes me come to the waiting room. We wait. And wait. And wait. By now the rest of my family is in the waiting room as well. Nobody talks. All I hear are the gasps and whimpers of held back tears scratching the surface just waiting to be released. We wait to hear from the doctor. They have been working for so long it just kills me not knowing what is going on in that room. The doctor steps out of the hospital room and we all startle out of our long unmoved positions. I can see by the look in his eyes, by the way he slowly walks over, glancing at the ground, that my mother is gone. I can't do anything. I don't know what else to do but just break down and cry. I hear the words coming from the doctors mouth and actually hearing it makes it that much worse. Its a feeling I can't describe, something I've never felt before in my life. I don't know what to with myself. I just don't know what to do. So I ball up and cry. 

The next few months were all a blur. Jess and I called off the wedding for a while. It was just too hard with all that happened and changed so fast, but we all stayed at the beach house. It's where mom would have wanted us to be at a time like this. I knew that mom's passing would change a lot of things but I never imagined that it would change me the way that it has. It's like I'm a completely different person. I'm not necessarily happy with who I've become...but I don't know how else to cope. It feels like I'm having to completely start over my life. I was about to marry the woman of my dreams and now I've lost her too. I'm trying to hold onto the memories we made and hoping that one day I'll be able to change back into the person I know I am so that she'll be able learn to love me again. Until then, I can just learn to accept what happened. I'll learn to cope and try to accept that my life has changed, my life will never be the same. But I'll celebrate the love I had for my mother and I will grow from this, I constantly tell myself. I will grow from this.