Change

I was a dreamer
I remember feeling so alone and dreaming of what could be, what should be, what would be.
I heard the lies, the excuses.
I saw excitement, the joy, the fun that I wasn't part of.
I worried that this would continue. I worried that I would worry.
I thought I would continue on with this empty feeling constantly in the pit of my stomach. I thought it would never end.
But I want change.
I am still a dreamer, but a different kind.
I think that things go wrong, people change, situations change but in the end, it all works out for the better.
I need to keep going. I need to stand up more times than I fall, I need to learn to dance in the rain. I need to stay strong.
I try to make the best of every situation, to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel sad and alone at times, but strong enough to know that this feeling is only temporary.
I forgive the ones who caused me pain.
Now I can change.
I will become a stronger and better version of myself because of the trials I have to face.
I choose to accept the fact that life is not easy.
I dream that life will be easy, but we all know that's a dream that can't come true.
I hope that I will find myself.
I predict that I will feel happier. That I will feel freer.
I know that learning to accept trials as they are and learning to stay strong will make me a better person. I won't lie around crying anymore, I will be better. I will happier. I will be stronger. I will have changed from a caterpillar into a butterfly. It will take time, but...
I will change.

I wait for summer

I'm waiting for the days when I can wake up at any hour of the day,

When the days are hot and the best way to cool off is to jump in the cool, refreshing water. 

I wait for that first day of summer after a long school year.

I'm waiting for the days when I can spend the entire day outside with the sun shining down on me.

I'm waiting for darker skin and lighter hair. 

I wait for those long summer nights spent with friends surrounded by a crackling fire,

No worries about whats to come, just living in the moment. 

I wait for the time when I wake up and smell that fresh summer air,

When we can leave our doors open all morning and all night to let in the cool, but just warm enough air, 

When we have fresh squeezed orange juice for breakfast,

when we can finally use our grill after it's been sitting there all winter waiting to be used like a dog waits for someone to come chase it around. 

Waiting for the days when we can choose to go on vacation last minute,  

Visit the beaches after a year of visiting the mountains.  

I wait for the late night visits to Daniels Park, looking out at the stars.

I wait to do the things that can't be done in the winter.

I wait for summer.